i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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