I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
