I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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