Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
