she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
