I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The adults are the big ones right?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
