She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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