good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
