My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
