Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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