theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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