Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
