I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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