my phone needs a breathalizer
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
