I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
