I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She told me I should be a condom model.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
how drunk are you?
Several
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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