my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
