Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
