Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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