I cannot find my penis.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
