I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
