Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
