i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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