I can text with my tongue
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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