"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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