i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
