my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
