You work out of a Hotel?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Your penis caused this!
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