Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
