Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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