I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Randomize
