This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
