yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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