Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
