I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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