Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
