i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Randomize
