he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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