Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
