I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
