she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
do herpes really smell.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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