i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
