I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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