naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Randomize
