Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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