On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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