On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
