Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
