He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
