Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
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