just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
