Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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